As you and your future husband sit down and make your separate (or joint) lists of people to invite to your wedding, every now and then either one of you may glance at a name that leads to awkward tension: an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, and a “Frenemy.”  To me, an “ex” can be defined in many ways. It can be someone you dated, someone you were in a relationship with or someone you, as we said in college, “hooked up” with. So, let’s take a look at the exes.

For those couples who decide before hand that none of the exes are invited, this won’t be an issue, especially if you two are not on cordial speaking terms with your exes. But for those couples we are still friends with their exes, if you have not discussed this with your future life partner, it can be a little awkward. The best advice I have is to always be honest and keep the lines of communication open with you and your partner. Tell him if you don’t think it’s appropriate for him to invite an ex, or even if it makes you uncomfortable. This is a day when the atmosphere should be one of love and celebration, not one of tension. In the same token, you must acknowledge that he may not feel comfortable with your ex-boyfriend in the audience, and if this is true, it is always best to respect his wishes. It may even be a good idea if you introduce one another to the exes you plan on inviting. That may make both of you more comfortable, and who knows, you may even make a new friend! The key element here is communicating. Remember, this is the person you will spend your life with, so honesty and communication will play key roles in the success of your relationship.

“Frenemies” are a completely different type of monster. I was in the grocery store one day and I ran into a friend of a friend. We had never really gotten along, but both of us were cordial enough to do the “stop and chat” while updating each other on our lives. Without fail, my wedding came up in conversation—and I felt like I was backed into a corner. “Oh, I know I’m getting an invitation right?” It flowed off of her tongue like she actually expected it. I know it was in poor taste for her to assume (especially since we weren’t friends) but I still felt backed in a corner. So, I invited her, and she failed to show up. That taught me a valuable lesson: the same honesty and communication that we give our romantic relationships should be extended to all relationships. Chances are that the other person knows the two of you are not close, but maybe feels like asking to be invited is a way to extend an olive branch or at least seem excited for your upcoming nuptials, however, if you do not feel the same way, then say so: “We’re having a small wedding, mostly close friends and family. But thank you for your well-wishes!” You want the response to be honest without being rude. Making an awkward scene in a public place is not something future brides (especially those in their twenties) really want, so making an amicable comment or gesture will avoid such a scene.

Deciding who to invite to your wedding is like all decisions, ultimately one that you and your future husband need to make together. If you are faced with a situation like the one I experienced in the grocery store, making the best judgment call you can at the time is always best. Communication and honesty are traits that can help to solve every situation you may face while planning your wedding, and they both ensure that you and your future husband are starting your relationships off on the right foot.